Plans Changed

Well after realizing that the Key West trip would just be too much money we decided to go to Destin, FL. I'm excited about Destin b/c you can find reasonably priced beach condos and houses to rent for the week on FlipKey.com .

Every since we both agreed on Destin, FL I've been in a good mood on a daily basis. It has numerous advantages for the both of us. The beaches will look better, the drive won't be as long, I won't have to worry about a plane ticket(I'll just rent a car), she'll get the tan she wants and so many things. Plus, she has a classmate or two that lives there and I have at least three or four friends there that I can visit or they can come hang out with me. :o) One of them happens to be the one I mentioned in my previous blog. We've been texting like crazy and it's just cool. I take a while to warm up to people and once I find my spot, it's like a mini high.

Well I came to log into my blog to express my thinkings on a subject that has been on my mind for years. The new google account log on is retarded b/c I can't remember which e-mail I had my google account with, since I don't use it at all. You know the old saying "use it or lose it"? Well I lost it and I stopped writing down all my info on post-its so no telling.

The Plan for Summer

So this summer me and my friend want to go to the keys to spend a couple days. I haven't been back to the keys since 2001. I miss being there but I'm not sure I would care to live there again. Maybe have a beach house or something to go to on vacations but nothing permanent.

Oh yeah, so anyways. We want to spend a couple days in the keys but we are still trying to figure out how we are going to do this since she lives in South Dakota and I live here in North Florida. I was thinking she might fly into Jacksonville and we rent a car and drive from there to the keys, which would be an 8 hr drive. Or we both just buy direct flight plane tickets to the keys. Which the cheapest is $310 and the most is $604. For her tickets, since I just looked it up, would be between $462 and $1100. I'm debating on whether I should ask a friend to let us bunk with them or just get a hotel in another key that would be cheaper to stay in. The cheapest per night stay would be $119 a night. If we stay there 7 days it'd be 833 dollars plus you figure tax and parking decal we're looking at close to 860.

It's panning out to be a very expensive vacation. We'll see.

So the other night I was on the phone with a childhood friend, like we've known each other since 5th grade in the keys. Anyways, it's crazy how much we are a like as far as reading people, relationship status, and humor. No, I don't think that he's magically my soul mate or anything but it's just cool to see how we've grown up. I did offer to scoop him up for the key west trip since we spoke about how much we missed it.

I have yet to physically meet him since our departure from the keys. One of these days we'll make plans to meet up.

Wow

So I've been gone a couple months now. I finally settled into my apartment and it's a HUGE adjustment from a three bedroom two bath home to a one bedroom one bath apartment. Since I got my job last year I have been neglecting my Etsy shop due to not having enough time to just create without having to rush myself off to bed to get some kind of sleep so I can be up all night at the job. Here are pics of the things I have been up to in my past few months since the foreclosure/move.




I've been addicted to my knifty knitter! I've learned to crochet and working on a blanket right now. I finished a portrait for a co-worker. I'm still working on that skirt that is pinned to my dressform. I made that purple shawl for my mom for Christmas. That flower of polymer clay was suppose to go with the shawl but I didn't care for how it came out. I have a new hair do and things are looking decent.

My apartment still looks like I just moved in b/c I have been unable to just devote a week to putting/taking everything out where it needs to be. I unpacked almost everything but there are some boxes I need to take back to the storage unit plus figure out what else I can do without in the apartment to free up the little space we have.

I hope everyone had a lovely New Year and hopefully I won't neglect my blogs anymore!

Yay, for Nip Tuck tonight!

Ok, now I'm gone.

I would kindly like to say, fuck you sir!

So tomorrow morning me and Med go looking at this tiny one bedroom apartment. Which entails me getting rid of 6 of my 8 cats. It makes me want to vomit profusely just thinking about it.

My grandmother had said she would allow us to stay with her until we could save up money, but has since called me earlier this morning and told me that I would not be able to stay with her. What was said to me was b/c my mother said since I didn't do a good job living here (in my house) I shouldn't be welcomed in her house and that I want to avoid the real world and not pay rent. Assumptions are like assholes, everyone has one. Everyone assumed I would just stay and mooch off granny with no real intentions of moving out. Sorry to burst your bubble but I don't even like her house and I've always hated staying there. She doesn't have A/C and has a roach problem. Oh yeah, I would really just sit there for months and months in that kind of filth. Fuck you.

Hmmz...if I wanted to avoid the real world and not pay rent or "supposedly" be responsible at all I would have nothing left b/c of my own doing not b/c I was trying to help them out. It's a long sticky story but in the end I know I'm not to blame for all of this. I'm just the scapegoat like I have always been in the family. *sighs*

Life right now has just taken a very nasty turn and my family has proven to me I should have never opened up to them at all. My grandmother says she will still try and get all of my aunts and uncles to sign over the land to me, but in the morning I will call her and tell her don't even bother. Just forget I even existed. I want all of them to forget I existed. Just lose my number, burn my birth certificate, there is no Karen! Fuck you!

I have tried very hard to harbor all this pain and emotion inside. I didn't even start crying about any of this drama until a couple days ago when every avenue I tried smacked me down. Every time I hear one more thing being said about me or another rejection on top of knowing I need to be gone out of this house soon, makes me want to snap! I'm not usually a violent person but I feel like it will only take another trigger to push me all the way over the edge.

Life is rough....

So I quit taking the metformin.

So I'm losing my home in less than 11days. I've been trying like all hell to get a mobile home with my grandmother as the sole person on the loan. She's not budging b/c my mom has entered negative thinking in her head about me. My mom still assumes I'm very naive about life and what it costs.

I had worked a ten hour shift lastnight and was almost over getting greatly depressed about the pending situation only to get a call from my mother this morning to kill every little spirit I had. I have been determined to try and get a place where I can bring my pets with me and everybody and anybody says I need to get rid of them. It's like ok, if a person told you they'd accept you in the move but your kids had to go, you would travel down every avenue you can just to be able to bring those kids, right? If the person isn't a dead beat who'd be glad to leave the kids behind you'd keep trying and trying. Which I have done and others have failed to see.

I've been unable to sleep for 48hrs and I'm making myself sick when right now I need to be really strong! I have a friend of mine who I love to death but I feel like she is somewhat turning her back on me now. She has been making slick comments here and there and I have been letting most of them roll off my back but now that EVERYTHING seems to be going in the shitter it makes me think of her words even more.

I hate how family says I need to reach out and talk to them more and get help with my problems when they are being more selfish than they claim me to be about lending a real helping hand. My mom says that Med can move over to Jax with them and look for a job but they fail to realize I would have no vehicle and they lack proper parking space for four vehicles that would be at their residence. It's a nice offer but it solves nothing and still leaves me without saving any real money to do what needs to be done.

I feel like I'm below the bottom of the barrel and just keep getting kicked further. No one in my family really knows me well enough to know my true spending habits they can only assume bullshit from when I was younger. But isn't it proof enough that I can handle the world if I haven't come back home to be a deadbeat in over 7yrs? Doesn't that stand for something? I guess not. I dunno if it is my pride that keeps me from just throwing everything away so people can finally feel like "wow, she's lost enough maybe I should consider helping her now" or what. I'm just plum tired!

Oh and this economy and Tallahassee sucks big ass balls! I feel like I will never ever be in a position where I can call the shots b/c everything I try to do to take the right steps toward that direction gets stomped on and then I keep trying only to get pushed further back.

I feel like school is a joke. It gives you false security in believing your talents will set u apart and you'll be wealthy. In most cases it is not true. If it were more true there would be more wealthy people in America and not just 5%. Think about that.

Needing to vent.....

I am a tiny bit irritated with a seller on Etsy. I purchased two corsets in January and have yet to receive them. I could understand if the seller had contacted me and told me "hey I tried to send them and they came back" but not even that.

What I keep getting is the run around that they sent it out. I reported the seller and they finally contacted me shortly after being reported, but only to tell me the same line again that they were sending it out that following day. That's 68 bucks that has been gone for over 2 months with nothing to show for it!

I doubt I would be likely to do business with this seller again unless it were a small cheap item. This makes me a bit sad. Plus, paypal only allows 45 days for a full refund so who knows how much I'll be able to get back if anything. *le sigh*

Alright, it's time to go get ready for work.

I've been gone forever!

So today is Tuesday and my Nip Tuck is over. I'm so sad, but I took the liberty of ordering all the seasons on dvd!

What's been going on in my life lately?

Well for a long while I felt nothing but inner peace about everything in the world. Then reality hit about needing to find a new place to stay. So I went into this modular home and other then some simple cosmetic stuff, I'm in love with it. I'm just sitting here trying to figure out how to fill up the main rooms with our stuff and start a new.

However... everyone is upset about the monthly rent. I agree 800 a month is a bit steep but I am looking at it from the angle of the rentor. I am thinking he doesn't have all the money upfront to invest in fixing the place up like it needs to be and is trying to just get extra off top. Who knows. I do know I would like to meet with him and do a walk thru of what I want fixed before I move in.

As far as I know that is the only place so far that I am the first to put and offer and it is as good as mine. Every other place I've called the place is pretty much promised to someone else. Which it's like if you're promising it to someone...why advertise it? Makes no sense to me.

Oh and yea I am rambling on b/c I am trying to stay awake. For what reason? I have no idea. I will be a better blogger but for now I am going to go try and rest my mind a bit. Take care bloggers!