Feeling the need to burst out

So lately I have had an extra urge to just leave and start over. Maybe it is b/c of the old friends new presence in my life or maybe now I have more than enough reason to just leave. The boyfriend doesn't work, he's not even looking for work and it's been over 7months, we actually pay rent now, I'm ready to leave his bad habits behind. I am tired of feeling like I'm in a unhealthy teenage relationship with my mother. Why did I feel the need to not speak up to him like he's my fucking elder? So many times I spoke back to my mom and got hit and each time I got hit brought down my true nature to be blunt and straight to the point. Screw this weakling act. Me and him need to be over.

The last couple of weeks I realized how little I do sexually for him compared to before. It's not just b/c we are in a rut, I just don't feel enough for him anymore to put forth the effort to caress there or kiss there. Also I'm beyond tired of someone who says they love me but doesn't like how I express my love. Screw that. Screw it all! Now I need to figure out how to act out this rage I have inside. I will be mature, but I'm over it.

On another note. Tuesday night I apparently had a date with a guy. I was all for the being friends hanging out but b/c my g/f bailed on me at the last second it was really a date. I felt so out of place b/c I'm not use to going out on dates with guys or even being able to flirt openly with males. As he touched jokingly I gave no response at all. I had a tiny crush on him last year but he was married and has a child, which I'm not a homewrecker and nor do I care to play step mommy. That crush quickly ended and just resulted in friendship. He has now since then gotten a divorce and on the prawl. Now apparently feelings must have been mutual at the time of our first couple of encounters. I had no idea but now thinking back to it I saw all the signs but ignored them. I can be so oblivious at times. He did want to make out but I said no even though parts of me was curious.

These two new males in my life are more of my astrological matches and makes sense as to why I feel attracted and comfortable with them. The old friend is a perfect match b/c he's a Sagittarius and the other is a Leo. Leo needs more attention and admiration where as me and the Sag don't need as much of that. We would motivate each other and have tons of fun on other levels. I dunno, the idea sounds good but I still want to live off by myself for awhile before jumping into something else full term. I need a break!