I would kindly like to say, fuck you sir!

So tomorrow morning me and Med go looking at this tiny one bedroom apartment. Which entails me getting rid of 6 of my 8 cats. It makes me want to vomit profusely just thinking about it.

My grandmother had said she would allow us to stay with her until we could save up money, but has since called me earlier this morning and told me that I would not be able to stay with her. What was said to me was b/c my mother said since I didn't do a good job living here (in my house) I shouldn't be welcomed in her house and that I want to avoid the real world and not pay rent. Assumptions are like assholes, everyone has one. Everyone assumed I would just stay and mooch off granny with no real intentions of moving out. Sorry to burst your bubble but I don't even like her house and I've always hated staying there. She doesn't have A/C and has a roach problem. Oh yeah, I would really just sit there for months and months in that kind of filth. Fuck you.

Hmmz...if I wanted to avoid the real world and not pay rent or "supposedly" be responsible at all I would have nothing left b/c of my own doing not b/c I was trying to help them out. It's a long sticky story but in the end I know I'm not to blame for all of this. I'm just the scapegoat like I have always been in the family. *sighs*

Life right now has just taken a very nasty turn and my family has proven to me I should have never opened up to them at all. My grandmother says she will still try and get all of my aunts and uncles to sign over the land to me, but in the morning I will call her and tell her don't even bother. Just forget I even existed. I want all of them to forget I existed. Just lose my number, burn my birth certificate, there is no Karen! Fuck you!

I have tried very hard to harbor all this pain and emotion inside. I didn't even start crying about any of this drama until a couple days ago when every avenue I tried smacked me down. Every time I hear one more thing being said about me or another rejection on top of knowing I need to be gone out of this house soon, makes me want to snap! I'm not usually a violent person but I feel like it will only take another trigger to push me all the way over the edge.

Life is rough....

So I quit taking the metformin.

So I'm losing my home in less than 11days. I've been trying like all hell to get a mobile home with my grandmother as the sole person on the loan. She's not budging b/c my mom has entered negative thinking in her head about me. My mom still assumes I'm very naive about life and what it costs.

I had worked a ten hour shift lastnight and was almost over getting greatly depressed about the pending situation only to get a call from my mother this morning to kill every little spirit I had. I have been determined to try and get a place where I can bring my pets with me and everybody and anybody says I need to get rid of them. It's like ok, if a person told you they'd accept you in the move but your kids had to go, you would travel down every avenue you can just to be able to bring those kids, right? If the person isn't a dead beat who'd be glad to leave the kids behind you'd keep trying and trying. Which I have done and others have failed to see.

I've been unable to sleep for 48hrs and I'm making myself sick when right now I need to be really strong! I have a friend of mine who I love to death but I feel like she is somewhat turning her back on me now. She has been making slick comments here and there and I have been letting most of them roll off my back but now that EVERYTHING seems to be going in the shitter it makes me think of her words even more.

I hate how family says I need to reach out and talk to them more and get help with my problems when they are being more selfish than they claim me to be about lending a real helping hand. My mom says that Med can move over to Jax with them and look for a job but they fail to realize I would have no vehicle and they lack proper parking space for four vehicles that would be at their residence. It's a nice offer but it solves nothing and still leaves me without saving any real money to do what needs to be done.

I feel like I'm below the bottom of the barrel and just keep getting kicked further. No one in my family really knows me well enough to know my true spending habits they can only assume bullshit from when I was younger. But isn't it proof enough that I can handle the world if I haven't come back home to be a deadbeat in over 7yrs? Doesn't that stand for something? I guess not. I dunno if it is my pride that keeps me from just throwing everything away so people can finally feel like "wow, she's lost enough maybe I should consider helping her now" or what. I'm just plum tired!

Oh and this economy and Tallahassee sucks big ass balls! I feel like I will never ever be in a position where I can call the shots b/c everything I try to do to take the right steps toward that direction gets stomped on and then I keep trying only to get pushed further back.

I feel like school is a joke. It gives you false security in believing your talents will set u apart and you'll be wealthy. In most cases it is not true. If it were more true there would be more wealthy people in America and not just 5%. Think about that.

Needing to vent.....

I am a tiny bit irritated with a seller on Etsy. I purchased two corsets in January and have yet to receive them. I could understand if the seller had contacted me and told me "hey I tried to send them and they came back" but not even that.

What I keep getting is the run around that they sent it out. I reported the seller and they finally contacted me shortly after being reported, but only to tell me the same line again that they were sending it out that following day. That's 68 bucks that has been gone for over 2 months with nothing to show for it!

I doubt I would be likely to do business with this seller again unless it were a small cheap item. This makes me a bit sad. Plus, paypal only allows 45 days for a full refund so who knows how much I'll be able to get back if anything. *le sigh*

Alright, it's time to go get ready for work.

I've been gone forever!

So today is Tuesday and my Nip Tuck is over. I'm so sad, but I took the liberty of ordering all the seasons on dvd!

What's been going on in my life lately?

Well for a long while I felt nothing but inner peace about everything in the world. Then reality hit about needing to find a new place to stay. So I went into this modular home and other then some simple cosmetic stuff, I'm in love with it. I'm just sitting here trying to figure out how to fill up the main rooms with our stuff and start a new.

However... everyone is upset about the monthly rent. I agree 800 a month is a bit steep but I am looking at it from the angle of the rentor. I am thinking he doesn't have all the money upfront to invest in fixing the place up like it needs to be and is trying to just get extra off top. Who knows. I do know I would like to meet with him and do a walk thru of what I want fixed before I move in.

As far as I know that is the only place so far that I am the first to put and offer and it is as good as mine. Every other place I've called the place is pretty much promised to someone else. Which it's like if you're promising it to someone...why advertise it? Makes no sense to me.

Oh and yea I am rambling on b/c I am trying to stay awake. For what reason? I have no idea. I will be a better blogger but for now I am going to go try and rest my mind a bit. Take care bloggers!

It SOLD!

It's roughly 7:27 AM and I have just finished packing my ACEO that was sold sometime ago. I'm excited b/c I told myself before I left work today that something would sell today, and what do you know, something did sell! Here is my card that sold:
Also as an update, that painting I did for the co-worker had to be reworked but has come out better for the client. I was a bit ticked off at first b/c the day after I had let her view the painting she came back and told me she wanted it redone on the flower. After having redone it, I now agree with her. Heh. :o) Here's the improved shot of it...

As an artist you don't like to hear people tell you how something should look when you created it to look one way.

I have another client lined up that is needing me to do calligraphy for her wedding invites and I am excited to do those, b/c I have done calligraphy for over 10 yrs but nothing in great length such as writing out entire invitations! I do believe I will need a lightbox to better assist me in the project.

Ok, ok I am rambling on. I hope all my fellow Etsians have a good day in the market and hope you bloggers stay out of trouble!

Burning a hole in my pocket!

So today was pay day and already I've purchased so many things for pleasure and business! I was on newegg.com today and purchased a 7.2MP Nikon Coolpix digital camera, 2 corsets from www.cherrypiepunk.etsy.com, 6 new canvases from a new art supply shop(6 canvases of varying bigger sizes for only 33 bucks!) paid some bills and played the lotto. :o)

I bought the corsets from cherrypie b/c she does awesome work and they are mainly for after the breast reduction. Here they are http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=7141423 and http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=7141424. Oh yeah, lol, I want to get a reduction b/c the twins have outstayed their welcome! So there!

Tomorrow I go to office depot and buy a new photo printer in the hopes of being able to print out my work from home. Instead of getting disappointed and being charged out the butt from other printing companies. I have to tell myself, if I don't like it,(the photoprinter/digicam) just to return it instead of keeping it and being out of the money. I'm an impulsive buyer!

Oh yeah and my fortune cookie said investing in a small business would be good for me! Isn't that awesome?! It was just more amusing b/c before me and the b/f went out to lunch I was talking to him about needing to "pimp" myself out more with my art, so I can make real money and save up.

I completed my first true commissioned painting for a co-worker and she loves it! Here's the end result.......
What do you think bloggers? You can't really see it all that well... but I put droplets from the hot glue gun to mimic dew on some petals. I'm really proud of this piece and I know it can only get better. Well I need to try and force myself to get a least an hour of sleep before work. Have a lovely weekend my bloggers! *hugs*

Working on New Years...

So I brought the new year in by being at work on my computer. I suppose that would mean I am setting the pace for this year. I just woke up a couple of hours ago from my nap and decided to paint on a project I have put off to the side. Now I have to put it off for a little longer b/c I am having trouble mixing the exact same blue background I had. I just went outside and took some pics and it was extremely bright outside.Plus I didn't have the sun to my back, I had it to my side, which really killed the quality. I suppose I will go work on an ACEO instead and list that tonight. Thankfully, I don't have to work tonight so I can do a bit of catching up on some stuff.

Ok, now I'm just rambling. LoL I am going to go. Happy New Years, Bloggers!